Made it.

Today was my last day of work at the bakery, patisserie (cakes), confiserie (chocolates), restaurant. I thought that at the end of the day I'd be leaping out of the shop but instead it was more of a crawl, accompanied by a huge sigh of relief. Today was as insane as any other day - hard to believe how bad it was.

The day started off well. I jumped out of bed, excited because this was my last day. Caught the 6:57am train as usual and admired the early sun painting pink the tall snowy mountains. Lake St. Moritz, now ice-free, was like a mirror, reflecting trees and mountains.

The store and restaurant are closed as of today, and we had the day to clean the whole house. We started with a communal breakfast - a nice idea. Except that I had heard about it from a colleague, in a rather haphazard way. There was no note or official announcement about this breakfast and so many didn't know about it, and missed it. Each team then went off to clean their area: the waitresses the restaurant, the kitchen staff the kitchen, and us, the sales ladies, the store.

There was no plan for the cleaning, or list of the tasks to be performed. Those who had done it in previous years, went to work, and us, the newcomers, got going on a task or another, unsure of what actually had to be cleaned - or how. We took down all the shelves, washed all the walls, the cash registers, and, of course the floors. I began by moping up the gallon of water that had trickled down from the kitchen above. The vacuum cleaner broke down before the waitresses were done with it. The thorough scrubbing allowed a close look at how run down the whole place is - even the store. The most insane part was scrubbing the floor - on my hands and knees! Fortunately I had my rubber gloves, but the others cleaned all day without.

For the first time ever, we all had our break at the same time, and for the first time ever, we all went for a cup of coffee at the cafe next door. An elderly couple, former clients of ours, were there too. I briefly chatted with them and they confided that they no longer come to the bakery/restaurant because too often they had bad food, and the staff was not friendly. Not that I needed to be told...

Mid-morning I saw a crate full of left over chocolate Easter bunnies in the staff room. I was tempted to grab one, but refrained, naively thinking that they would be divided up between all of us. A short while later a colleague went looking for them - and they were all gone, taken by the kitchen staff. The cakes that had not been sold yesterday never even made it up to the staff room, all taken at the source by the kitchen staff. The animosity between kitchen staff and sales personnel became even worse: the boss allowed us to take the factory chocolates left on a rack. Whoever happened to be there, descended on them like vultures. I happened to emerge from the elevator just before the last ones disappeared. The kitchen staff somehow had also gotten word about the freebies and helped themselves generously. In this establishment the meanest, toughest and most aggressive are the most successful. Nobody looks out for anybody else, nothing gets shared, it's eat or be eaten.

I thought that at least we were going to get a fair share of sweets on our way out at the end of the day. At Christmas I had been surprised that the staff didn't get a present from the owners - not even a few chocolates. The old-timers explained that the staff gets sweets as a farewell present at the end of the season. Although there were boxes left in the reserve stacks, all we got was a hand-shake. Said hand-shake was a long time a-coming. By 2pm we were done with the cleaning but had to wait around for the bosses to return from their lunch break until 3:30pm - at which time we got our paperwork and the handshake. Fortunately I had emptied and cleaned my room yesterday, and was, at last, free to go. I was too tired, too beat down, too demoralized to leap - hence the crawl.

I so much wanted to celebrate- the fact that I toughed it out, and even more, the fact that I am again free. But ironically, and as a true symbol of my current life, I have nobody to celebrate with and merely came home and treated myself to a glass of wine. Not having anybody to talk to during this happy hour I checked my email - and so learned that I was no longer in the running for the job at the Portland office of the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation. I had actually given up all hope for that job a few days ago.

So now the question of what comes next looms large. Answer: I have no idea, neither for the short term, nor for the long term. I was hoping to go to the lowlands to visit friends, but so far I have been unable to make solid plans. I think a lot of folks are away for an Easter vacation. Tomorrow I'll sleep in, rest, work on a job application, go for a walk. No idea whether I'll still be here on Thursday, or whether I'll go somewhere!

The long-term is equally undecided. The only certainty is my flight to Portland on May 25th, and my return to Switzerland on June 28. I am looking for work both here and in the US, and home will be where I find work. Default is Portland, my house, my garden, my community, my friends.


Bicycle parking in St. Gallen.















Lake St. Moritz is thawing.

Spring Thaw

Friday night. For most people it's the end of the work week. I am about to take the train to St. Moritz where I'll have to spend the next two nights because I am slotted for the early, 7am shift. The flip side is that I am done by 5pm... And only 11 working days left...

Not much new to report, but I am finding myself writing the same email to a number of people - which means that it's time for an update. Nothing new is happening, but I am on the cusp of much novelty. I just don't know what the next step will entail. Whatever it is, there'll be much excitement.

I stumbled on a job announcement posted by the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation, for the position of Program Coordinator in Portland. No date indicated when the ad was posted, and there was no deadline for applying - so I sent my resume. Four days later I received an invitation for an interview - which was held last Tuesday night. I don't know how I did - I just find it terribly difficult to "sell" myself. I have all the skills needed for the position and I know I would be a good fit for it. Early next week I'll know whether I qualify for the second round of interviews. If I were to be offered this job my permanent return to Portland would be accelerated, meaning that instead of spending the next few weeks playing and visiting friends, I'd have to work hard to get ready to leave Switzerland. This job would allow me to call an end to the Lemonade Project. It would allow me to come home, to find a new focus for my life and to once again work in the field about which I am knowledgeable - and passionate. Now if you would all please keep your fingers crossed for me, I'd be very grateful!

The only other news is that spring has sprung. We continue to have one day more beautiful than the other with unseasonably warm temperatures. Today I hiked in shorts and t-shirt. The snow is mostly gone from the valley floor and once again the fields are white with wild crocus. The tourists went home, and the villages are delightfully quiet. Last year I was complaining because at this time of the year there isn't much to do. Cross-country skiing is over but the hiking trails still are under snow and slush. This year there was much less slush because it basically had not snowed after Christmas and therefore a lot of the snow was already gone before it started getting warm. The other big difference with last year is that I treated myself to the yearly ski pass primarily to take advantage of spring skiing. I definitely intend to go one or two more times.

I am actually very proud of myself for having dared to downhill ski again. Two years ago my bad knee was so bad that even walking was a challenge. Last year I did fine cross-country skiing but frankly was scared the one time I tried downhill. So in the fall I made two decisions to challenge myself: first I got my skis out of my storage unit in Portland and hauled them up here. Then I spent a small fortune for the yearly pass. The pass was the key though, because it allowed me to ski for just 2-3 hours at the time, and to quit when I was cold, or bored, or the knee was bothering me. The first few times I limited myself to one or two runs, doing them over and over, until I felt confident. And little by little I found my skiing legs again. I started to have fun, all by myself, skiing faster, not hesitating when trying a new run. And the crowning moment: on a whim I decided to ski down, all by myself, the 10k of the Morteratsch Glacier, from the Diavolezza to the Morteratsch train station. A guide had warned me that the run was very bad - that he no longer was taking clients down that way. I had already decided that I had missed the opportunity, but since this was an item on my bucket list, when I found myself at the top of the run, it being a beautiful and warm day, I decided to go for it. What a feeling! Yes, some of the moguls were almost as tall as I... but I did it slowly, carefully, stopping for pictures, and thoroughly enjoying the fact that I was doing it, enjoying the feeling of being all alone in the middle of all these glaciers, in the total silence and overwhelming beauty of the mountains. And I paid a little tribute to my father with whom I had actually climbed some of these mountains in another time, in another life.



Skiing amid the glaciers. Piz Bernina.















Lake St. Moritz is starting to thaw.















Fields white with wild crocus. On the way to Guarda.














Encounter on the trail.