About Loss and Death

Monday morning in Tannay, near Geneva. Alone in Paul's very new and so cute little apartment, waiting for IKEA to deliver the furniture he bought on Saturday. It was either today or in 3 weeks, and since he is in Brussels, I offered to stay here until they arrive. It's a good time out, an opportunity to catch up with myself and post something on my blog. It's a blustery fall morning. Most trees still have their leaves and they are wildly thrashing around in the wind. Much howling and rustling.

Many people love fall, the colors, the light, the cozy sweaters, the long evenings with candles. I admit that all of the above are nice, but I don't like fall. For me it's all about loss and death, and as I am writing this I am keenly aware that one less person on my email list will read this post. My Portland friend Lois Meddock passed away on Saturday, October 16. She was one of Analogy's (Martin's business) first employees, and we have known each other for over 20 years. She was always so positive, so upbeat and so funny. She also was too young to go. Last time I saw her, when I had dinner with her before leaving Portland in January, she was healthy and it never occurred to me that I might never see her again. I am afraid that since I missed the service she will always remain alive in my mind.


Because I can't avoid fall, I am trying to celebrate it. Unfortunately I was in Zuoz for just 3 days before coming down to the lowlands and they were more winter than fall. One day the snow fell all the way down to the valley floor. It eventually melted back into the trees, but I would be surprised if it melted one more time above the tree line before spring. The temperatures are now dipping into the low teens, and barely above freezing during the day. It's cold here too, but balmy compared to the mountains! Nevertheless, in an attempt to slow down the inexorable progress of winter, I am going through the fall rituals. I bought a pumpkin. I am not planning on carving it, but I am hoping to make soup with it - presuming that deep frost doesn't kill it. One day I collected dried flowers and arranged them in a huge bouquet. It dawned on me that if I want any Christmas greens I better get them now before the snow covers the forest floor for good. With the snow and the cold more birds are again hanging around the houses. The blackbirds have left the mountain tops and are cruising in large droves around the village; one afternoon a whole flock of pine crossbills were feasting on the mugo pine below my balcony - I could actually hear them cracking the pine nuts.

It was sweet to experience another season in Zuoz, new for me, since all my previous stays were in the summer or in the deep winter. I would have loved to stay, to go to the back of Val Trupchun to listen to the roaring of the mating elk, but I also wanted to be sociable one last time before starting work, next Monday. I needed to check on my aunt, run errands for her, cook for her. It was a great visit, we talked a lot, laughed, but she is getting weaker and is starting to think about moving to a nursing home. Some of her friends are advising her to do it, and she wants my opinion. How can I know? How can anybody but herself know whether it's time to move to a nursing home? My advice to her was to listen only to herself. She is the one who will have to live with the decision - forever. Once moved out of her apartment there will not be a way back and if she moves too soon she might regret it. When she is ready she will have my full support.

I also very much wanted to see my sister, probably for the last time until spring - and I will join her tonight. So between St. Gallen (my aunt's) and Gryon (Brigitte's) I rode the train to Geneva to visit Jacqueline (we went to lab technician school together in the early 70's). Most of our time was spent in shoe stores, as I had to find good winter boots. I have top of the line Sorels - inaccessible in my storage unit in Portland. I had bought them on sale at Freddie's for $70 - here they sell for Fr. 249 (1Fr = 1$!). Ouch! Thank you Jacqueline for your patience, for driving me from mall to mall, for bearing with me while I was trying on yet another pair of boots!

After Geneva it was an interesting and delightful weekend with Paul. Saturday was the interesting part - spent entirely at IKEA where he had to get everything from toilet brush to bookshelves. Some of you know how much I hate malls and shopping... However, since I didn't have to make the decisions (this or that ironing board?) there was no stress for me and the store is the best venue for people watching. All skin colors, innumerable languages, couples, couples with children, mothers and daughters, mothers, daughters and granddaughters, gay couples, various body sizes, all dressed quite elegantly, the men with scarves, just about all the women wearing boots. Much purple all around as it is the fashionable fall color. When we left the store, after more than 4 hours, I was starving, dehydrated and more tired than after a major hike!

Sunday was the delightful day: Paul had asked me to show him around Geneva and I was more than happy to do so. It was raining and the colors (or absence thereof) and the mood reminded me of scenes in the movie Death in Venice (Luchino Visconti). At the onset of our tour I bought a bag of "marons chauds" (roasted chestnuts) which are nice to nibble on on a cold day, but even nicer to hold in your cold hands. We visited both the touristy areas, and my old stomping grounds, Ecole de Medecine, the hospital neighborhood, the streets I lived on and the old bakery. The villa at the back of the lane housing the research lab where I worked no longer exists. The whole day felt rather unreal: Paul and I met in formers lives back in Canada; he is now living here, but I was showing him around the city where I had lived even before meeting him. Thank you Paul for following me through my memory trail!

Meanwhile the IKEA goods have been delivered. It's time for lunch, and eventually to move on to meet Brigitte.

Pictures:

1. Lois Meddock (picture from her Facebook page)
2. My attempt at celebrating fall
3. Pine crossbill
4. Bourg de Four, Geneva